This post will be far from perfect - it honestly may just be me rambling about all the things my brain is trying to process...something i've noticed about myself is I try and put things off for the sake of them being "better" or maybe there’s a better time for it and I don’t want to “waste the post” on the wrong time. For example, I'll come up with, what I'd like to think are really good Ideas for a topic for the blog but then I tell myself that it would be so much better to post this during "x" time. Eh things change and do I ever end up posting it? Nope.
Plus - this blog for me is one way to have you guys get to know me a bit better, on a more personal level, and learn more about behind the scenes (can you tell that i'm convincing myself to write this and keep going, gotta hype myself up!) Getting to know me comes with a lot of discussion, I'm not a small talk kind of lady. So this will be imperfect and that's okay.
Let's get to it!
Last week I spoke about the anxieties that (the current circumstances) *this time* has brought. The unknown is most definitely not easy to navigate, and now we are collectively trying to navigate the unknown - all of us with our differing opinions that we can post just about anywhere on the internet.
I want to focus on the positive that I've experienced during this time.
Identity outside of work
This time has brought up a really important question; a question that a lot of us don’t want to slow down enough to ask ourselves, or maybe we just don’t even think about it. We’re worried about what the answer might entail and it can require a lot of work:
WHO ARE WE OUTSIDE OF OUR CAREERS??
It's such a loaded question, at least for me it was. Most of my days are lavender filled, business filled, work filled - it just doesn't always seem like it’s so work heavy or the typical “go to work” that most people think, because I really enjoy what I do.
So, is that such a bad thing? To question who I am outside a passion of mine?
No absolutely not, it’s a privilege but it's only a slice of who I am, so I need to remember to replenish and relish in the other parts of myself. Leave some room for them too because they are just as valuable as the woman hustling out there being productive.
So, ask yourself, who are you outside of your job? Outside of it, do you realize that you still hold immense value - that you don't have to be impressive to deserve attention and love?! (snaps for this right? part of it is a quote i'm paraphrasing, that a friend just showed me and we discussed it yesterday, SO GOOD @carenote. We talked about what this means for women and especially women of color)
Not sure how to reintroduce yourself to those other parts? Coincidently the positives from below may help you navigate it. It's a process though; we are forever evolving and blossoming so no pressure - just food for thought :)
Slowing down, Giving permission
Who else struggles with "doing nothing?" More so for me it's more about struggling with the idea of not being productive. I struggle with sitting and watching a movie without pulling my computer out or thinking about some sort of work I may have to catch up on. Even if it's something quite trivial, like i'll also use this time to organize the photos on my phone or DM's. I'm always met with the people who are around me asking if I can just sit and enjoy the movie with them.
I think we are all slaves to productivity. Some more entrapped than others... It's what is valued and promoted so heavily in our world, “to be SuCcEsSfUl.”
Even before this time I was really questioning the "why?” behind it all. Why do we teach women to aspire for marriage? Who said that we can live our life according to someone else's set of rules and if we don't, why are we labeled as something other than "normal?" Who decided if you're not a “straight A” student you're not smart enough, if you’re not attentive enough, not enough of a hard worker, something must be wrong with you and it’s time for meds... yes this is all sounding like I believe the matrix is real, but reigning in these thoughts....sometimes I find that we need permission in order to be a certain way, and it makes sense! Why?! We are told our whole lives to always be producing and conditioned to be “xyz.” It was really only in this time that I allowed myself a substantial amount of grace to slow down. Why? because 1. I don't really have a choice but, 2. everyone else is doing it so it must be okay...!
I've allowed myself to rest, cook, garden, stop working by 7pm (at least 3 days out of the week, but baby steps), try and get to bed at a decent time, and let go and do the best that I can.
And it's led to some pretty cool feelings and thoughts (like starting off a sentence with “AND” ha! I'll show them.)
There are a few more points I'd love to touch on but feeling like a Part 2 would be best as this is getting long.
So until next week xo!